Have you ever reflected on your relationship with trust? Do you think that trust has to be earned? Do you have a history of trusting others unless they give you a reason not to?
When I was gathering my thoughts in preparation for writing this, I considered how I would define trust. That was much harder than I thought and the description that was most comfortable to me was that “trust is a deeply felt sense”. As someone much wiser than me once said, “it is so close, you miss it; it underlies everything we do. When it’s there – you assume it, when it’s not – you know it”.
Trust always involves some risk and the possibility of disappointment. And I think that’s probably the fork in the road for people when deciding if they will give someone their trust or not. Our ability to deal with disappointment, without having it feel like a severe personal blow, appears to have much to do with our willingness to be vulnerable in this way. There are certainly times when distrusting someone is a good thing. Blindly trusting everyone we encounter can have disasterous consequences. It is important to make grounded assessments when considering if we trust someone or not. (Have you ever trusted a stranger because they ‘looked like a nice person’, only to have things not turn out so well for you?)
Take a moment and reflect on a recent breakdown in trust. Maybe you are experiencing one currently? Allow yourself to become immersed in the experience of this break. Really give yourself permission to complain about it. Now, notice what is arising
- in your body – do you feel sensations that are uncomfortable?
- in your mind – what story accompanies the break?
- in your mood – familiar?
What possibilities arise from this place? If the answer doesn’t move you in the direction you desire, consider if there is a missing conversation that needs to occur. And don’t forget, the conversation that is often missing is the one we need to have with ourselves – “Through what lens am I seeing this?”