Do you believe that you deserve
- to be respected?
- to be loved?
- to be heard?
- to feel appreciated?
- to do fulfilling work?
- to be able to be who you are?
Are these things happening for you? If not, why? There’s a good chance you have a really good story around this but what I’d like to focus on instead of your story is the question
Have you asked for them – outloud?
Thinking about asking for what you want and saying it aloud are not the same thing. And no matter how much you believe that “he should know I want this”, there is a really good chance that he doesn’t, or thinks she’s already giving it.
Why don’t we ask for what we want? Because we are afraid. We’re afraid of the other person’s reaction – anger, upset, indignation…. Or we’re afraid of their response – “I don’t…” or “I can’t…” I have a good friend who was getting ready to quit his job. He wasn’t happy with the kind of work he was being asked to do and wanted to try something else. He was worried about leaving an assured paycheck behind but just couldn’t imagine doing what he was doing for years to come. So he took a bold step. He approached his boss and asked if he could shift job duties so that he could bring what he loved doing to his workplace. He was scared but figured, “what the heck”. Not surprisingly, his boss said yes! He walked away delighted, but also wondering why he hadn’t done that sooner. (Have you already started the narrative around why you couldn’t do something like that? If so, could you do me a favor and suspend that story for a bit)
Is the pain associated with living without the things you want, easier than stepping into and through the fear of asking? Give asking a try, and let me know how it turns out. Who knows, you could be just the inspiration someone else needs to step into their courage.