Asking for What You Need

Clarity, intimacy, patience, support, understanding… These are things you not only need, but deserve. They are essential to your happiness.

“Can you ask for what you need?” is a question I pose to my coaching clients often. This is what I frequently get in return “Yes, but__________”

“I shouldn’t have to ask”     “it’s not worth it”    “it’s not that big of a deal”

“I shouldn’t have to ask” really meansthey should know”.  We believe that people see a situation the same way we do. My experience is that most of the time they don’t.

“It’s not worth it” is often connected to the assessments “nothing will change anyway” or “it’s too risky”. We move forward with these kinds of requests when the pain associated with things not changing becomes greater than the pain of just letting things stay as they are. If you decide not to ask for something you need because of this assessment, I hope you can find your way to accepting ‘what is’ so that you don’t suffer unnecessarily with ‘the way things are’.

“It’s not that big of a deal” feels like an assessment that you don’t deserve what you desire.“I can live with it” feels more like “I’m not worthy of this”. 

If these assessments are keeping you from a more satisfying life. I invite you to let them go. Start small and see what happens. I guarantee you will be pleasantly surprised.

(The photo at the top doesn’t have anything to do with the topic except I took it on my walk this morning and it made me happy. This beautiful sunrise happened without me asking for it:-)

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